Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fuck appropriateness.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
