apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
