she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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