Nicole vs. Life
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
