No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
