Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
