I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
