Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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