ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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