I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
