I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
