He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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