Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
