Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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