Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Congratulations! We have a period
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
