the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize