Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
