i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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