If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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