Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
