We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
