i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
