just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
