how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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