yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
