I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
