I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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