Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
