I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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