The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
