i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
