Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
