Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
