the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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