We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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