we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm passing your future prison.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
