i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
