so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
