At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
