i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
