She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
