She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
