I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
