How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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