thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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