all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
