sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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