i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
