One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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