she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
