cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
