im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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