You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize