i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize