those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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