Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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