he thought i was a dude.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
