wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
