my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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