Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
