Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
