would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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