ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
