Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
