So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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